As mothers of younger children, we think we have seen everything. We have dealt with skinned knees, messy houses, and sibling squabbles. Some day I may write a book on each of these. As you go through these problems, they seem so difficult, so trying. As my kids move towards their teenage years, I now realize that those problems were easy to deal with compared to what lies ahead.
When your child is young, almost any problem can be whisked away with a hug and a kiss. The issues facing teens are much more difficult
The issues that face teenagers, drugs, alcohol abuse, teen pregnancy, smoking, aren’t quite so easy to solve. These problems need a well thought out plan to address their many complexities.
Prior to their teenage years, we spend a lot of time teaching our kids right from wrong. As your kids, figuring out what is right and what is wrong isn’t so easy. It takes a lot of preparation and a lot of coaching from you. Teen peer pressures can distorte the viewpoint of even the best kid. Here are several strategies you can use to address teen peer pressure.
1. I know who I am: A good portion of your teenage years are spent trying to figure out who you are. If we don’t help our teens figure this out, their friends and the TV will. Make sure to spend time helping your teen to visualize and vocalize who they want to be. Then, when it is time to make a decision, have them ask "Does this fit with who I want to be?".
2. We are going where?: Make sure your teen knows what they are getting into before it’s too late. If they are unsure about what will happen in a situation, make sure they understand who will be there and what will happen in advance. Many kids get in trouble because they are too embarrassed once they are in a bad situation. It’s far safer to know what will be going on before they get in a bad situation.
3. Ask a lot of questions: Make sure your teen knows that they can ask questions of their friends to find out who will be where they will be going and what will be going on there.
4. I need help: No matter what your teen may have gotten into, they need to know that you will come get them no matter where or when it is. You need to also give them a list of several other adults who will rescue them also, with no questions asked.
5. Can you say "No!": Telling their friends "no" can be very difficult for your teen. Practice role playing where you are your teen’s friend who is trying to get them to do something they shouldn’t. Try everything a teen would like "Come on, everyone is doing it", "Don’t be a baby", "Are you scared?". Teach your child how to respond to each of these situations
6. Good cop, bad cop: Teens often say that they go along with things they shouldn’t because they didn’t want to look un-cool. An easy way to let them off the hook is by telling them to make you the bad guy. Simply tell your teen to tell his friends that "I cant, my mom and dad would kill me if I do. It’s just not worth it".
7. What is a "real friend": Ask your teen why a good friend would ask them to do something that they were uncomfortable with. Your teen should examine the motives of that "friend". Maybe they really aren’t a friend.
8. Now that guy is cool: See if your teen can make a list of a few people who they think is cool. Chances are this person isn’t cool because they were following the crowd. Chances are cool that this person is cool because they went a different direction and did their own thing. Make sure to point out that doing your own thing is cool, not following the crowd.
9. Confidence Building 101: Being a parent is hard work. Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in what isn’t right, what isn’t getting done that we loose focus on what is right. Our teens need to hear how much we respect them, how much we love them, and how proud we are of them. If they don’t get positive reinforcement from us, they will turn to their friends even more. Try bragging about your teen to another parent when your teen can "accidentally overhear you. They will beam!
10. Make plenty of family time: At the end of the day, the best defense against peer pressure that you can give your teen is a strong family bond. When it is all said and done, your teen will lean on you for support if they know they can count on you.
One final thought. Both you and your teen are going to make mistakes. Rather than getting angry, talk through what happened and go over together again. You will be glad you did.
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